his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
