So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
