I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
