Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
