You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
