...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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