I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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