I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
