i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I can't put those talents on a resume
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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