New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize