My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
