So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
