it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize