spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
