do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
