every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
