god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
