Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
This is my gift to your gina
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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