You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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