Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
