Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
