If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
