the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
