i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize