The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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