I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
