and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
