is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
