About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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