Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
