You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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