you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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