I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize