i already hear my dad disowning me
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
