miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
