Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
