I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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