Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
