Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize