She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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