so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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