You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
