Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize