For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
