I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
