Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize