Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
