I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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