You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
