So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
