the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
