cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm like, not good at living.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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