Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
