did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
