you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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