When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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