Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
