I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
