I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
