I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
