When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
