i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
