i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
