we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Every concussion has its silver lining
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
