Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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