Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
