K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
