I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
