It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
