look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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