That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
