do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
