1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
