Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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