the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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