You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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