I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize