Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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