I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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