I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
