They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
