Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
