Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
