remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
