Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
