Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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