You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
