alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
