Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
