I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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