its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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