I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
